My therapist asks: “how would you describe your mood today?”
Where do I go?
To start all over, to forget everything.
I don’t want these black clouds lingering over me anymore. This rain isn’t beautiful anymore. I’m sick to death of fighting these storms: you don’t see the cracks they leave, slowly breaking me. The darkness has tired me out. This piercing chill doesn’t excite me, I’ve become numb to the cold shivers that tickle my spine, the hot flushes when I’m losing my mind, I can’t feel the tears drip. It’s all normal, to my body now. Ask me, what does pain feel like? It feels like me. It feels like home. I’m breathing hurt and regret, loneliness and guilt. I drink pain, anger and fear. I eat; hate and sorrow, my anxiety and depression. So please tell me, is there anywhere I can go? To start all over, to change everything; my name and my address. I don’t want this to be my f*#king home anymore. All the candles I once lit, have stopped flickering.🕯
How do I say that, that is my everyday? …So once again just like any other session I pick up the courage and I say “I feel ok.”
“I know now that some people feel unhappiness the way others love: privately, intensely and without recourse.” – Khaled Hosseini, And the Mountains Echoed.