Burnt out

My therapist asks: “how would you describe your mood today?”

Where do I go?
To start all over, to forget everything.

I don’t want these black clouds lingering over me anymore. This rain isn’t beautiful anymore. I’m sick to death of fighting these storms: you don’t see the cracks they leave, slowly breaking me. The darkness has tired me out. This piercing chill doesn’t excite me, I’ve become numb to the cold shivers that tickle my spine, the hot flushes when I’m losing my mind, I can’t feel the tears drip. It’s all normal, to my body now. Ask me, what does pain feel like? It feels like me. It feels like home. I’m breathing hurt and regret, loneliness and guilt. I drink pain, anger and fear. I eat; hate and sorrow, my anxiety and depression. So please tell me, is there anywhere I can go? To start all over, to change everything; my name and my address. I don’t want this to be my f*#king home anymore. All the candles I once lit, have stopped flickering.🕯

How do I say that, that is my everyday? …So once again just like any other session I pick up the courage and I say “I feel ok.”

@AsfaWrites

“I know now that some people feel unhappiness the way others love: privately, intensely and without recourse.” – Khaled Hosseini, And the Mountains Echoed.

60 thoughts on “Burnt out

  1. Sentiments completely burst out
    So I can glance 😑
    I could resonate somehow with the whole concept
    I felt it hard from this line onwards
    ” I’m breathing hurt, regret, loneliness & guilt… ”
    Hope you’re doing good Asfa! ✌

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Pulverised emotions which you described here kinda disturbed me for a while
        But glad to know you’re doing well 😇
        Well written 👌

        I’m doing great too ✌
        Thank you! ❤

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you for sharing your thoughts… at some point in time one must ignore the mind and follow one’s heart… “Don’t be pushed around by the fears in your mind. Be led by the dreams in your heart.” ― Roy T. Bennett 🙂

    “I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they’re right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together”… Marilyn Monroe

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Great message. I agree with you. 💓 Thank you so much for reading and commenting. I appreciate your feedback. 😊 Thanks for sharing some very inspirational quotes. Love them.

      Like

  3. *speechless*
    It gave me goosebumps. For me worst part of depression was the fact that I couldn’t describe it anyone, what exactly it felt deep down inside. At that time I just wished, I had words to express what it felt like. Your words touched my heart❤
    You’re my absolute favourite person Asfa😊
    Love and light to you💕

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I agree with you. It’s so hard to speak up. Unfortunately so many people experience this. 😔😪 You are strong! Thank you so much for your lovely, kind words. They mean so so much to me. 💜 You have made my day.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You are always welcome sweetheart ❤
        I’m doing well but I think I’ve lost my writing power..I have several poems which need to be completed but I can’t.
        I’m a moody person and I hate this habit.I hope I’ll be soon “OK” for writing and complete the rest one.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Ahh, I understand. It takes me so long to write something and even when it’s finished I’m still not satisfied with the piece. 😂 Good luck m’love! 💜

        Like

      3. Btw I started working on my brand after I stopped writing but that was also for a limited time period 😏.
        I’ve wrote on “Two reasons for my failure” but didn’t even bother to upload 😬

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Just have faith in Allah azza wa jall and all this darkness and sorrow will fade away.
    “Allahu Noor as samawati wal ard” Hold him and your life will always be bright and beautiful. Take care

    Liked by 2 people

    1. That is what keeps me going. 💜 I listen to Surah Rehman and Ayat-ul-kursi on a daily. They really really help with anxiety.

      Thank you for leaving such a thoughtful comment. Allah pak bless you.

      Liked by 1 person

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