Did he tell you he loves you? Did he kiss your forehead before heading off to work? Did he look into your eyes before hugging you goodnight? Or did he hit you again?
Those scars etched so deeply into your delicate skin; still there. From when he grabbed you and threw you across the room, punched you so hard you broke a tooth.
Remember that? Guess you’ve forgiven him again. Is it because he’s your husband? He’s “allowed” to treat you like that, right? He tells you “you can’t do better than me. You’d be crazy to leave. You have no one.”
It’s 5am. You’re trying to rest your eyes; but there’s no way in hell you’re getting sleep tonight. He’s out, turned his phone off. You’ve rang many times, just to hear “the number you are trying to call is unavailable. Try again later.” You ring his other number “hello?” A woman answers. You quickly cut it off.
Tears roll down your cheeks, but you remain quiet. That’s all you’ve ever done. He claims to love you but he’s still outside every night – and when you do decide to speak up, abusive words and a slap to your face. “I’m the man in this marriage, not you.” He shouts.
“It’s my fault. I’m not a good wife; I can’t keep him happy.” Your brain says. “If you leave, who else would love you? You can’t live alone. You can’t be lonely.” The heart tells you.
You tell yourself, “I love him. Put up with his crap and one day he will realise; how much I love him. It’s just a phase. Everyone goes through it.”
You finally fall asleep but are suddenly awakened. He’s home. Slamming doors. You run to check if he’s OK. You check for blood on his face, check his hands; making sure he’s not hurt.
“WHY HAVE YOU BEEN CALLING ME?! I TOLD YOU NOT TO DISTURB ME WHEN I’M OUT!! HAVEN’T YOU GOT ANYTHING BETTER TO DO?! WHY THE F*#K WERE YOU AWAKE? WHICH MAN WERE YOU TALKING TO? SHOW ME YOUR PHONE!”
The anger slowly fades, he looks up smirking. “See that? I can get a thousand b*tches screaming my name. It’s your fault for ringing. You annoying worthless b*tch. You married me, now deal with it.”
You were expecting your married life to be full of smiles and happiness. Instead you’re stuck with a man who doesn’t appreciate you or your efforts. Forget appreciating, he puts his hands on you and (not the good kind!) So why do you put up with it?
Are you scared people will blame you for your broken marriage? I know it hurts, it’s unbearable but no matter how much love you show; he will carry on treating you like a rug. The rug he cleans his shoes on, steps all over. That’s all you are to him.
I know these words are harsh but so are those black and blue bruises on your body…