Lost

They asked me ‘what’s wrong?’ they asked a thousand times, but I never uttered a word. My lips didn’t move an inch, I had the urge to pour my heart out, every single time that question was raised; but I couldn’t. My brain would stop me. If my heart ever tried to cross the line, my brain was always there to put it back in to its place.

My heart was like a child, wanting to run into all sorts of places, always letting go of it’s mothers hand at the supermarkets, and my brain was the mother that would always have her eyes open, when her kid ran far; would always protect her child if he ever stepped out of place.

I trusted my brain, I knew it would have the right interests for me but my heart? I couldn’t say the same. My heart was on fire, it felt anger, it had turned to stone. I had turned into the person that had betrayed me, the person who left me, I had turned into the man that had broke my heart into a million pieces. How could I tell my friends that he was the reason to my disturbance, he was why I couldn’t sleep at night and it was because of him that I couldn’t concentrate on myself. The love of my life, the man I married, became the reason to my destruction. The man that was supposed to lift me up, broke me down. Murdered my happiness.

I trusted my brain, I knew it would have the right interests for me but my heart? I couldn’t say the same. My heart was on fire, it felt anger, it had turned to stone. I had turned into the person that had betrayed me, the person who left me, I had turned into the man that had broke my heart into a million pieces. How could I tell my friends that he was the reason to my disturbance, he was why I couldn’t sleep at night and it was because of him that I couldn’t concentrate on myself. The love of my life, the man I married, became the reason to my destruction. The man that was supposed to lift me up, broke me down. Murdered my happiness.

I should have listened, but the damage had been done now. I can’t turn back and change my life; I had no idea how I was to get over this, I was broken. In this big bad world I was alone. All by myself. Isolated. Trapped in between these four walls. Nothing and no one would be able to help me get out, not even if I wanted help, myself.

I wanted to be left alone, I needed space, time off from everything. No contact with the
world, but unfortunately that wasn’t possible. I had to work, I had to see my friends, I had to go out, I had to see this world, the people, two-faced personalities with their own selfish needs.

Trust? what is trust? Did these people even know the meaning, all they knew was how to break it, tear it into little pieces. After all the person who was supposed to be my soul mate, my husband, my life had broken my trust too. What could I expect from the rest of the world, but the same.

6 thoughts on “Lost

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